Musings on Identity

When the three of us first set out to write this blog, we were all going through different phases of understanding our Filipina-ness. I had just returned from a long trip abroad living 10 months in Taiwan, with a short pilgrimage in the Philippines to visit my parents' home villages. For almost three decades, I considered myself an American. The trip to Ilocos Sur and the subsequent reunion with my uncle and his family made me realize how "American" I was and how Filipinos viewed me as not truly one of them. This peaked my interest in identity and reconciling my strong ties to my home in the U.S. and my growing interest in my cultural heritage.

Issues of identity were fresh on my mind back in 2010. I spent a year in a doctoral program breaking apart Japanese Issei and Nisei identity in California and their views of being American during World War II. My time in Taiwan exposed me to Taiwanese views of being Taiwanese as opposed to being Chinese. My return to California further peaked my curiosity on how my many first/second generation Filipino friends and family reconciled the expectations of their parents and grandparents, with their comfortable lifestyles in the United States.

It would seem only natural that Bev, Grace-Sonia, and I would begin writing about our different views on our cultural roots. 

My interest in identity, particularly duality, was renewed by the birth of my son. Culturally and ethnically Mexipino (Mexican-Filipino), he is decidedly very American. In a century where bi-racial coupling is commonplace, more and more children will grow up asking more complex questions than the ones we three bebots will ever pose. 

Will I be able to teach enough Filipino culture to my son to understand some of my customs and superstitions? Will he learn both Ilocano and Spanish as his home languages? Better yet, will he even care? 

Ringing in 2014 with new posts!

It's been a while since we three have posted. We've gone our separate ways, no longer working together -- all successful in our new endeavors.

I lived what our parents believed to be the American dream. My husband and I bought a house, paid off our car, had a baby, and got a dog. I have also lived the American reality - sold the house, split up with the husband, and am raising a baby as a single mom. But you know what? I'm loving every moment of it. I enjoyed every step that we took to get here. I'm doing more than what my parents or grandparents ever dreamed of doing.

So… what's in store for the new year for us three bebots? We hope to revive our musings and post more frequently. We still have many questions, experiences, and stories about being Filipina-Americans. I, in particular, have lots to say as my son will be growing up in a world of multiplicity - second generation Filipino/Mexican-American. In generations to come, what color will that become? Will brown be the default identifier for mixed heritage children as white is for those of European backgrounds?

I hope I've enticed you to follow us once again and we look forward to your comments and feedback.

Happy 2014!

It's been a while...

Hi all,

It's been a while since you last heard from us. So much has happened since our last blog back in Dec. 2010. We've gone our separate ways and no longer work together. Michelle gave birth to a healthy baby boy named Wallace. Grace-Sonia became the Director of Communications at a regional health organization, and Bev has been busy volunteering and working on new media tools for her job. However, we're still close and have many stories to tell. We promise to post more often now that we've settled down into our new lives.

~ Beverly, Grace-Sonia, & Michelle

Food for Thought

One of the earliest memories I have is walking up to the front of Nana's house, with the smell of home cooked ube halaya wafting through her screen door. Nana greets me at the door, spatula in hand, telling me to tikim or taste her fresh batch of ube made especially for me. Who would say no to that?!

Nana's house still stands in a barangay or barrio called Balut in the Philippines. For a small town, it has a name with a big reputation. "Balut" loosely translated means "wrapped" but its more commonly known translation refers to a popular street-food in the Philippines, which is a fertilized duck (or chicken) egg with a nearly-developed embryo inside, boiled and eaten in the shell. Yes, I used to eat balut. No, I don't eat it anymore.

Ube and balut are just two of the many Filipino staples that bring back memories. Now that I think about it, they're somewhat representative of the majority of Filipino cuisine: sweets and meats. With meats out of the picture for me as a vegetarian, I think I might hold sweets on a whole new level nowadays. I no longer have access to traditional, hand-mashed and hand-stirred ube but I can still find its processed cousin at Fil-Am franchise markets like Red Ribbon, Jollibee, etc. And just like how I have bitter sweet feelings about the intersection of childhood memories and realizing how many years old I gradually turn, I have bitter sweet feelings about the intersections of Filipino food and American culture.

There's a part of me that's excited about the blossoming modern takes on Filipino food (especially in the vegetarian arena) but I also can't help looking back in true old fart fashion to the "good ol' days" of real Filipino food, whatever that means. This is where I get into the grey area of what real Filipino food even is... which reminds me of the more general question, "What makes something authentically Filipino?" Filipino food is in itself an intersection of the many cultures within the Philippines; a yummy manifestation of the political clumping together of the many islands after colonization... my Nana herself was part Spanish, so does her ube halaya not count as Filipino food to begin with?

As I muse about the many aspects of Filipino food (remembering memories attached to old dishes and taking in the emerging new versions), my brain takes me not only on a ride through food memory lane but also on a surprise journey to wrack my brain about ancestry and authenticity. Definitely food for thought.