derogatory? subversive? or both? hmmm

Why would three grown Fil-Am women entitle their written expressions a slang word that many translate as "baby?" With enough negative images of Filipinas out there, couldn't we instead call this experiment "Musings of a Strong Filipina American" or something along those lines? I mean come on right? Search "Filipina" on Google and what pops up? "Mail order bride" for one. So why add fuel to the fire and use bebot?

If you were to go all creeper status and look up old photos of me, you definitely wouldn't find one of me posing by a rice rocket fulfilling some dude's import model fantasy (an image that "bebot" may conjure up for some). And no, despite my annoyingly squeaky voice, I prefer pitbulls and other large, huggable dogs over toy breeds. But let me stop myself before I end up writing an academic essay about femininity and masculinity, and try to instead explore an aspect of bebot-ism.

When the song "Bebot" by the Black Eyed Peas first came out, community members had mixed reactions... "Yay! We're finally getting mainstream recognition!" "Great, another orientalized portrayal of Pinays." "Woohoo! Tagalog rap!" "Woop dee doo, Filipino stereotypes wrapped into one song."

Hearings were held, letters were written, pickets were picketed(?) and the end result? Grey area. Yep, back to square one of folks disagreeing and no one answer being determined. I see it ending up that way because of the nature and definition of "bebot" itself is in the grey area. It can be both derogatory and subversive, both a source of weakness and strength. Guess which interpretation this blog is taking.

In taking on the monolithic "bebot" and all the connotations attached to it, it is my hope that in some small way, this blog can reshape the image of not only Filipinas but Filipino Americans in general. That through our musings, Fil-Ams will not be seen just as good entertainers and great cooks but also professors, writers, intellectuals and more. (Pictured here are last year's 100 Most Influential Filipina Women in the US.)

And perhaps even more important: that through honest and open self-examination, us not-so-typical bebots out there, get to know ourselves a little better.

Hottie, babe, gorgeous, sexy… a bebot by any other name would still be just as beautiful

Magandang araw everyone! We hope that our first blog posts have enticed you to come back wanting more. It wasn’t difficult for the three of us to come up with an eye-catching (sometimes head scratching) title for our blog site: Musings of a Bebot.

Several of you are probably wondering, what IS a bebot? Aside from that Black Eyed Peas song appropriately titled, “Bebot, “ you’ve never heard of the word. Many of you probably googled the word and are now wondering, why bebot?

Part of our self-discovery begins with why we chose this title. In this second blog posting we’ll deconstruct and examine the who, what, and why of the term. We'll muse on how we chose this term and why it's become a feature in how we blog.

Why is GSM Here?!?

I have an on again/off again relationship with writing, so when the idea of starting a blog dedicated to Filipino American issues came up with my friends/co-workers Beverly and Michelle, I had mixed feelings towards the project. I am usually the first to endorse any creative or artistic pursuit, just as long as it doesn't have anything to do with me.

But then I thought about the great conversations I've had with Beverly, Michelle, and some of my other friends about our experiences growing up Filipino American, and how I usually come away from these casual talks not only feeling a sense of camaraderie, but also feeling like, in that moment, I got to know myself just a little bit better. However, these discussions aren't usually planned. They usually happen sporadically, on a lunch break or in transit on the way home.

Writing/blogging is a way to capture and discuss our thoughts and stories about a worthy topic...ourselves. And for purely selfish reasons, I would like to take some time (time I haven't in the past made for myself) to explore and reflect on my identity, culture, and community.

You see, I grew up in a predominantly white city and neighborhood, and for better or worse, that environment influenced me quite a bit. Like most teens, I made my attempts to conform and rebel at the same time. I had a few Filipino and Asian friends, but for the most part, I was in the land of the white folk. In high school, I did not want to be another "Asian nerd," so I gave up my quest for good grades and college (real smart, eh?). While I did not completely deny my Filipino identity, there weren't many incentives out there (at least none that I acknowledged at the time) for me to embrace it. Needless to say, I feel quite differently nowadays, as I've grown more mature, and have opened my eyes to the richness of my mother culture.

So I thank Beverly and Michelle for inviting me to be a part of this endeavor, and I would like to welcome you here too. Thanks for listening and joining the conversation. Perhaps we can get to know one an other (as well as ourselves) a little bit better.

Bakit Bev?

Bakit/why? Why blog about my Filipina-American experience? I think my response might come out a bit Catch 22-ish because in order for me to really answer why I'm blogging, I have to blog. Michelle, hit the spot though when she said, "What does that mean anyway?" What is this about being Fil-Am? That's what I'm here to muse about and just a heads up but I muse in abstract.

As a 1.5 generation immigrant, I've always felt in limbo. I know, "limbo" has a lot of connotations but the one I'm tinkering with here is the feeling of being in between: in between where, when, and who.

In between where? I was born in the Philippines and came over Stateside when I was seven. I've never really felt like I was a citizen or belonged to either chunks of land but my papers said different. Up until I was in my early 20s I was a citizen of the Philippines, then after some paperwork, *poof* I am now a citizen of the U.S. It was seamless on paper but the feeling of being in between two places stays with me.

In between when? Seven years old seems like such a long time ago. Yet at the same time it seems like only yesterday because I can still hear the jeepneys passing by and I can still smell the palengkes/public markets of the streets of Olongapo. The memories of my short time in the Philippines are sometimes more clear than my memories of growing up in California. Yes, after a certain age my memories of here are more concrete but I always wonder why those early years seem like a blur. I wonder why even though I've spent most of my adult life here, I refer to my childhood there so much more.

In between who? I've been blessed with a wonderful family and true friends. One would think I would stay put being so lucky but I find myself being a nomad. Is it because I'm eclectic (nice word for indecisive) and I tend to float around? Not too sure about it myself but no matter how close I am to a bunch of folks, I've always felt like the odd ball. Could just be a case of the "teens" though but I figure I would be over that by now right?

So why bring this whole limbo business up?

I blog here, about my Fil-Am experiences, and with these two badass Fil-Am women because it situates me and the limbo butterflies in my tummy ease up. This blog is a space where three Fil-Ams, with totally different backgrounds connect on some not-easily-explained level. It's not easily explained but it's there and if we can spread this funky (in a good way) connection, then why not?

Hope you'll keep coming back to connect with us.